good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
You are the jesus of drinking
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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