Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
