I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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