I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
