Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
