can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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