she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
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