Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
