duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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