Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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