got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
