I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
