I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
