You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
