Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Randomize
