Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Randomize
