We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
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