New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
