Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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