Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I will be naked everywhere
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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