But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
