How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
