i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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