Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
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