Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
