Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
as a side note pls kill me
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
