So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize