Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
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