it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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