that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
