she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
