I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
