On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Randomize