Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
