today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize