let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
