I haven't been this sober since birth.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize