Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
