Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
