6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
