the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize