I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Randomize
