but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
