I feel like I'm in dance class right now
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
