Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
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