I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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