I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Randomize
