At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
