she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
