Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌ðŸ»ï¸
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
