he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
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