Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
