Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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