You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Randomize
