Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Randomize
