Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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