I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
