Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I had to cum in my sink.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
