there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
