Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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