i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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