Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
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