Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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