She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
