im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
