so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
