If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Randomize
