there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Is that strawberry winking at me??
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
