When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
