She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
