I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
