and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
