There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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