Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
