the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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