You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
