FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Randomize
