genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
