I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Randomize
