My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Randomize
