I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Randomize
