I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
