Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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