ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Can you bring me the toilet please
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
