with your own penis?
Screwed.edu
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
