Soap is not a condiment
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
