the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
