That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
