I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
