If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
