Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
