I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
