Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
