I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
