girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
