I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
