Dual....:-)
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Randomize
