I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
